I am so very impressed by so many specifics that I would like to name in this piece. You keep a very strong narrative arc throughout the whole story. It really holds together well. It is hard for a student your age to keep a strong narrative thread. I thought you did that very well. I think that you use dialogue really well. Your dialogue is clear; it's sophisticated and you're able to shift between dialogue and narration really well. Sometimes when kids write a story, they get lost in the dialogue and they can't come back to narration. You're able to move from dialogue back to narration back to dialogue in a way that is way more sophisticated than someone your age would be able to do. Your vocabulary is really mature. Words like cringing, translucent, tremor, radiant. This is vocabulary that you don't often see in children your age and they make the piece sparkle. Your use of language is really sophisticated and beautiful. I also appreciate that you were able to use narrative fiction as a way to fuse your scientific knowledge and your political purpose. There is more than one way to change someone's political view about an issue impacting our environment. One way is through a compelling fictional piece. You're able to use fiction in a way that an essay could also do but maybe in a more compelling way. This is really an outstanding example of a sophisticated and beautifully written piece of a student at this level.
This piece achieved what you hoped it would, which is a compelling political and ecological argument held together by fictional narrative and really beautiful imagery.
-Ron Berger, Senior Advisor of Teaching and Learning at EL Education